by Asma bint Shameem
ANSWER
If a loved one dies, we should be patient and submit ourselves to the decree of Allaah.
And we shouldn’t be wailing, screaming or lamenting, etc.
That’s because the Prophet ﷺ specifically instructed us not to do that.
🍃 He ﷺ said:
“There are four things in my ummah from the jaahiliyyah which they will not give up:
-pride in one’s ancestry,
-slandering the lineage of others,
-seeking rain from the stars and
-wailing over the dead.
If the woman who wails does not repent before she dies, she will be raised on the Day of Resurrection wearing a garment of tar and a shirt of scabs.”
(Saheeh Muslim, al-Janaa’iz, 1550)
That’s a very serious punishment.
So we must be careful not to wail or cry loudly.
That’s because wailing and lamenting is like as if we are unsatisfied with the decree of Allaah or complaining about it.
However, obviously it’s natural for a person to feel sad and cry over losing someone.
It’s part of human nature to feel that way.
In fact, even the Prophet ﷺ himself cried.
🍃 Usaamah ibn Zayd radhi Allaahu anhu said:
“We were with the Prophet
ﷺ and one of his daughters sent word to him, calling him and informing him that a child of hers – or a son of hers – was dying.
He said to the messenger:
“Go back to her and tell her that to Allaah belongs that which He has taken, and to Him belongs what He gives, and everything has an appointed time with Him.
Tell her to be patient and seek reward.”
Then the messenger came back and said:
“She is adjuring you to come to her.”
The Prophet ﷺ got up, and Sa‘d ibn ‘Ubaadah and Mu‘adh ibn Jabal got up with him, and I went with them.
The child was lifted up to him and his soul was rattling like water poured into a waterskin.
His eyes filled with tears and Sa‘d said to him:
What is this, O Messenger of Allaah?
He said:
“This is compassion that Allaah has instilled in the hearts of His slaves.
Allaah only shows mercy to the merciful ones among His slaves.”
(al-Bukhaari 1284, Muslim 923)
🍃 Imaam an-Nawawi said explaining this hadeeth:
“What this means is that Sa‘d radhi Allaahu anhu thought that “ALL” kinds of crying or weeping were haraam, and that tears from the eye are haraam, and he thought that the Prophet ﷺ had forgotten that, so he reminded him.
But the Prophet ﷺ taught him that simply crying or shedding tears from the eye is not haraam or makrooh; rather it is mercy and a virtue.
What is haraam is wailing and lamenting and crying that is accompanied by both or one of them.”
🔺 Some people think that wailing and crying will be a cause of punishment for the deceased.
That’s because of the authentic hadeeth of the Prophet ﷺ where he said:
“The deceased is tormented in his grave because of the lamentations (wailing) over him.”
(al-Bukhaari 1292, Muslim 927)
But the correct understanding of this hadeeth is what Shaikh Ibn Uthaymeen explains.
🍃 He said:
“What it means is that if his family cries for him, he will know of that and will feel pain.
It does not mean that Allaah will punish him for that because Allaah says: “and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another” [al-An’aam 6:164].
“Torment” is not necessarily a “punishment”.
Have you not heard the words of the Prophet ﷺ:
“Travel is a kind of torment”?
Travel is not a kind of punishment, but a person suffers torment and exhaustion during it.
Similarly, when the deceased person’s family weeps for him, he suffers pain and is upset by that, even though that is not a punishment from Allaah.
This interpretation of the hadeeth is quite clear and does not cause any confusion.
There is no need to say that this has to do with one who left instructions that they wail for him, or one whose family’s custom was to wail but he did not tell them not to do that.
Rather we say that a person may be tormented by something but it doesn’t harm him.”
(Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 17/408)
And Allaah knows best
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