by Asma bint Shameem
When we visit graves, we do what is proven from the Sunnah and do the following:
🔺We greet them and say salaam to them.
🍃 Buraydah ibn al-Husayb Radhi Allaahu anhu said that the Messenger of Allaah Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam used to teach them, when they went out to the graveyard, to say:
السلام عليكم أهل الديار من المؤمنين والمسلمين ، وإن شاء الله بكم لاحقون ، أسأل الله لنا ولكم العافية
“Assalaamu ‘alaykum ahl al-diyaar min al-mu’mineen wa’l-Muslimeen, in sha Allaah bikum laahiqoon, as’al Allaaha lana wa lakum al-‘aafiyah”
“peace be upon you O people of the dwellings, believers and Muslims, In sha Allaah we will join you, I ask Allaah to keep us and you safe and sound.”
(Saheeh Muslim 975)
🍃 And ‘Aa’ishah Radhi Allaahu anhaa said to the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam:
“O Messenger of Allah, what should I say to them (i.e., to the occupants of the graves)?”
He Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam said:
السلام على أهل الديار من المؤمنين والمسلمين ويرحم الله المستقدمين منا والمستأخرين وإنا إن شاء الله بكم للاحقون
“Al-salaamu ‘ala ahl il-diyaar min al-mu’mineen wa’l-Muslimeen, wa yarham Allaah al-mustaqdimeena minna wa’l-musta’khireen, wa innaa in sha Allaah bikum la laahiqoon”
“Peace be upon the inhabitants of the graves, believers and Muslims. May Allaah have mercy upon those who have gone ahead of us and those who come later on, and verily we will, in sha Allaah, join you.”
(Muslim, 974)
🔺We make duaa “for” them and ask Allaah to forgive them.
🍃Uthmaan ibn 'Affaan radhi Allaahu anhu said:
"When the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam finished burying someone who had died, he would stand over him and say, 'Pray for forgiveness for your brother, and ask that he may be made steadfast, for even now he is being questioned.'"
(Abu Dawood, saheeh)
🔺We can raise the hands to make duaa but we shouldn’t face the grave while doing that.
Rather we should face the qiblah.
🍃 Shaykh ibn Baaz said:
“If one raises the hands there is nothing wrong with it, because of the report proven from the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam in the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah Radhi Allaahu anhaa according to which he Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam visited the graves, raised his hands and offered supplication for their occupants. (Muslim)”
(Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 13/337)
🔺There’s no Qur’aan to be read, not even Surah al-Faatihah.
🍃 The scholars of the Standing Committee said:
“It is proven that the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam used to visit graves, and he would recite du’aa’s for the dead that he taught to his companions and they learned them from him.
But there is no report that he Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam recited a soorah of the Qur’aan or any verses thereof for the dead, even though he visited them often. If that had been prescribed, he would have done it and would have taught it to his companions, seeking the reward and out of mercy towards his ummah, and fulfilling the obligation to convey the message.
The fact that he did not do that even though there were reasons why he might have done it indicates that it is not prescribed. His companions (may Allaah be pleased with them) knew that and followed in his footsteps, and they limited themselves to learning lessons and making du’aa’ for the dead when they visited them. There is no report that they read Qur’aan for the dead.
For them such reading was an innovation (bid’ah), and it was proven that the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam said: “Whoever introduces anything into this matter of ours [i.e., Islam] that is not part of it will have it rejected.” Agreed upon.”
(Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 9/38)
🍃 Shaikh Ibn Uthaymeen said:
‘As for the graveyards then they are not a place for reading of the Qur’aan, but rather they are a place for giving Salaam upon the dead and making Duaa for them, (and) NOT a place for making Duaa nor to make Duaa to them.
So the deceased are not to be made Duaa to, nor to make (general) Duaa at their graveside. But rather Duaa is made “for” them for mercy and forgiveness because they are in dire need of Duaa.’
(Fatawa Noor ala Darb tape no. 30 section of Aqeedah/Bid'ah)
🔺 No need to sprinkle water, except at the time of burial to settle the earth and not because it has any effect on the deceased.
🍃 Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said:
“There is nothing wrong with sprinkling water, because water holds the earth together so it will not be scattered right and left.
With regard to what the common folk believe, that sprinkling water cools down the deceased, there is no basis for this.”
(Majmoo’ Fataawaa Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen 17/194)
🔺 No need to take flowers or place a plant etc. there.
🍃 Shaikh Ibn Uthaymeen said:
“Some scholars – may Allaah forgive them – say that it is Sunnah to place a fresh branch, etc on the grave so that the punishment might be reduced.
But this understanding is very far-fetched, and it is not permissible for us to do that for several reasons.
(i) We do not know that this man is being punished, unlike the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam whom Allaah told by means of Revelation about the situation of those two graves.
(ii) If we do that, we are mistreating the deceased, because we are thinking badly of him and assuming that he is being punished, but we do not know that.
It may be that he is being blessed, or it may be that this deceased person is one of those whom Allaah blessed with forgiveness before he died because of one of the many things that bring forgiveness, so he died having been forgiven by the Lord of all people, in which case he would not deserve to be punished.
(iii) This understanding is contrary to the way of the righteous salaf.
This action was not part of their way and they were the most knowledgeable of people about the sharee’ah of Allaah.
(iv) Allaah has shown us something that is better than that.
When the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam
finished burying someone he would stand over the grave and say, “Pray for forgiveness for your brother and ask that he be made steadfast, for even now is he being questioned.”
(Majmoo’ Fataawa 2/30)
🔺Be careful and do not walk on the graves or sit on them.
🍃 The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“If I were to walk on hot coals or on a sword, or if I were to mend my shoes using my feet, that would be better for me than if I were to walk on the grave of a Muslim.
And it makes no difference to me if I were to relieve myself in the midst of the graves or in the middle of the market-place [i.e., both are equally bad].’”
(Ibn Maajah, 1567 saheeh by al-Albaani)
🍃 And Jaabir radhi Allaahu anhu said:
“The Messenger of Allaah Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam forbade us to plaster graves with gypsum, to sit on them or to build anything over them.” (Muslim)
🔺As for women going to visit the graves:
There’s a difference of opinion among the scholars about women visiting graves.
According to some of the ulama it's allowed for women to visit the graveyard because of the general meaning of the hadeeth in which the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said:
"I had forbid you from visiting the graveyards. As for now, visit them, for they remind you of death." (Muslim)
But some ulama forbade women from going to graveyards because there's another hadeeth that says:
"Allaah has cursed the Zawaaraat (Visitors-Feminine) of the graveyards, and those that build mosques and place lamps on them" (at-Tirmidhi and others)
And so according to the opinion of the second group, it’s haraam for women to go to graves, no matter who the deceased might be.
The first group consider the word Zawaaraat as something done repetitively on a regular basis.
Therefore, in their opinion the prohibition for women ONLY applies IF they keep visiting the graves and AGAIN and make it a habit that's done FREQUENTLY.
So there are certain conditions that women have to keep in mind, if they want to follow the opinion that they can visit the graves.
🔺Those conditions are:
1. They are dressed Islaamically and covered properly.
2. No screaming, wailing and going hysterical.
3. They don't make it a frequent, repetitive thing.
If however someone wants to take the safest opinion then it's best for women to avoid going there.
And Allaah knows best.