In What State will I be?

by Asma bint Shameem

Today I share with you, what runs through my head

This is what I so often think as I lay here on my bed

What would I be doing and in what state will I be....

That day when Malak ul-Maut will approach me?

For surely he will knock on my door, oh so suddenly

My choice of place or time, it's not going to be…

On the day that I meet him, what will I do?

There's no hiding that day, no one to run to.

What will be my response to him? O What will I say?

I didn't prepare for this....please come back another day?!

Please go back...go back. I'm just not ready yet!

Just a few more minutes...seconds... any time that I can get!

I would want to say goodbye but he wouldn't let me.

I would want another chance but that surely wouldn't be.

When he will come for me, I wonder, will I be in heedlessness

Worrying little of the hereafter, in my state of carelessness

Or would I be the one who loves and lives upon the Sunnah?

Would the last words on my tongue be la illaaha illAllaah?

Would my kafan be made of silk, being sent from Heaven above?

Would it be so soft, so fragrant, wrapping my soul with love?

Or would it be so rough, so ugly, made of fire from Hell

A wrath, a torment from my Lord, full of nasty smell?

And what would happen when they bury me, six feet underground

When they lay me on my bed of dust, with no one else around

So scared, so alone....the thought keeps haunting me

In what state will I be....when the angels will question me?

Will I be able to answer them....the questions they will ask

It seems so easy now....but what a lofty task!

Will I be scared to see them, will they be of horror to me?

Will I be able to bear them, when they sit in front of me?

Will I be able to give them those answers so easily?

Or will I stumble and stagger....not knowing, confusedly?

Will I stutter and stammer just like a hypocrite would?

Or would I be able to respond to them just as a Mu’min should?

Will my grave be a piece of Jannah, green and open wide...

with Mercy from my Lord so Kind, my good deeds on my side?

Will I rest in my grave ever so peacefully?

Or will my grave be a wretched place of torture for me?

I pray my grave is not a bed...of torment and agony

I hope so earnestly that my Rabb will forgive me

And when everyone will be raised with the rest of humanity

In what state will I be.....when my Lord will resurrect me?

Will I be pleased to see my Rabb? Will I be eager to greet Him?

But more importantly, will HE be pleased with me, the Day I meet Him?

Will my face be dark with sin that day or will it be shining white?

Will my scale of deeds weigh heavy for me....would it be feather light?

O where will I run then ...where will I hide? This is what scares me!

In what state will I be....when the book of deeds is handed to me?

Will it be given in my left hand or I will hold it in my right?

Will I be guided firm on the Siraat; my Imaan so big, so bright?

Will I be among the wretched or will Allaah be pleased with me?

In what state will I be...when I stand in front of the Almighty?

I shudder and I tremble when I think of that Great Day

When I ask myself..."Am I ready to meet my Lord today?"

I cry as I lay here....thinking. I shed my wretched tears

Please forgive me O Allaah, how I wasted all those years

I sinned all my life Yaa Rabbi, Oh how I forsook you

Unless you forgive me O Allaah, how can I meet you?!

My sins are so heavy, I can hardly bear the weight

But I'm hoping for your Mercy, don't leave me to my fate

For how long will I live? I don't know when I'll die

But like the Prophet said I should expect it so close by

Let me stop this way of life; let me snap out of this trance

Let me turn my life around now that I have this perfect chance

'Cos today I am closer to my Lord than I was yesterday

Did it ever occur to me that today could be my LAST DAY?