by Asma bint Shameem
When a woman’s husband dies, Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala has ordered her to observe iddah or mourning period. Generally speaking, the Iddah for a widow is four months and ten day of the LUNAR calendar. Allaah says: “And those of you who die and leave wives behind them, they (the wives) shall wait (as regards their marriage) for four months and ten days” (Surah al-Baqarah :234) However, if she’s pregnant at the time of her husband’s death, her iddah will end when she gives birth. Allaah says: “And for those who are pregnant, their Iddah (prescribed period) is until they deliver (their burdens)” (Surah at-Talaaq :4) Based on the evidence from the Sharee’ah, there are certain things a widow must do and certain things she should avoid out of respect for her deceased husband. 📌 The Dos and Donts during iddah 🔺1. She should not adorn herself in any way. So she cannot apply makeup, kohl, henna, hair dye etc. 🔺2. She shouldn’t wear bright, beautiful clothes. Rather she should wear plain, simple clothes. 🔺3. She shouldn’t wear perfume 🔺4. She shouldn’t wear any jewelry The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said: “She (the widow) should not wear any colored clothes, only simple dress. She should not apply kohl to her eyes, or use perfume, except for a little qust or izfaar (types of perfume), when she cleans herself after finishing her period.” (Muslim) 🔺5. She should stay in her husband’s house until the iddah is over, unless there’s a legitimate REASON for her to not stay there. The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam told the widow: “Stay in the house in which the news of your husband’s death came to you, until your ‘iddah is over.” (Ibn Maajah — saheeh by al-Albaani) 🔺6. If she needs to go out for some reason, she can do so during the day but she needs to come back and spend the night at her husbands house. 🍃Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said: “A woman whose husband has died should remain in her house and not come out except for a legitimate shar‘i reason. As for her going out with no reason, that is not permitted. Based on that, it is not permissible for her to go out to visit her neighbours or relatives, or to offer the Eid prayer and so on; rather she should remain in her house.” (Fataawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb) 🔴 Some Common Misconceptions 🔺 Misconception 1: No man can SEE her Obviously a woman is supposed to cover herself ALL THE TIME, in front of non-mahram men whether she’s single or married or widowed. But people think that this is a special command JUST for the widow. So they isolate the woman in a room and don’t let her come out of there no matter what, just because some non-Mahram will ‘see’ her. And all this even though she didn’t even wear a hijaab or care about covering herself before this! The widow can come in front of anyone as long as she’s covered properly. 🔺 *Misconception 2 She cannot TALK to a non-mahram* . Again, a Muslim woman should not talk unnecessarily to a non-Mahram man ANYWAY. But if there’s a NEED, and a REASON, she can talk to whoever she wants. But based on the same misconception as above, they don’t let any non-Mahram meet her or talk to her even though there may be necessary things to discuss or important decisions to be made regarding finances, or future for herself and her kids. As it is, she’s going through a very difficult time and is scared and sad and worried. And instead of helping her in this time of grief, by isolating her they make things for her a thousand times worse. 🔺 Misconception 3: *She HAS to stay home and cannot go anywhere * Although a widow is supposed to stay at her husbands house and spend her iddah there, she’s ALLOWED to go out during the day if there’s a NEED. 🍃Jaabir radhi Allaahu anhu said: “My maternal aunt was thrice divorced and she went out to harvest her palm trees. A man met her and told her not to do that. She mentioned that to the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam and he said: “Go out and harvest your palm trees; perhaps you will give some of it in charity or do some good.” (al-Nasaa’i, Abu Dawood) 🔺 *Other Misconceptions - She cannot walk in her house or outside, even in the courtyard or roof especially barefoot or without a head covering, even if she’s alone. That’s NOT proven from the Sharee’ah. - She cannot cook or clean or do any of the household chores. Astaghfirullaah why would she be punished this way? - She cannot brush her hair or even take a shower except once a week, etc NONE of the above is true or proven from the Sharee’ah Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala has outlined the rulings for a widow and they’re enough for us Alhamdulillaah. We don’t need to follow anyone or anything else. Our Deen is clear. We need to educate ourselves and follow the authentic guidelines and stay away from misconceptions and bid’ah. May Allaah guide us. Ameen.