“What to do when our loved ones die...”

by Asma bint Shameem

Death of a loved one is such a painful experience. It's heart-wrenching and devastating. You loved them so much. And now you can't believe they're gone. But you still want to benefit them and do something for them that will earn them rewards from Allaah Subhaanahu Wa Ta'ala

even after they're gone.

So what can one do to benefit those who have passed away according to the Qur'aan and authentic Sunnah?

🔺1. Du'aa:

Allaah speaks well of those who prayed for their deceased Muslim brothers.

He says:

‎وَالَّذِينَ جَاؤُوا مِن بَعْدِهِمْ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لَنَا وَلِإِخْوَانِنَا الَّذِينَ سَبَقُونَا بِالْإِيمَانِ

"And those who came after them say: "Our Lord! Forgive us and our brethren who have preceded us in Faith..." (Surah al-Hashr :10)

🍃 Abu Hurayrah radhi Allaahu anhu said:

"The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam told us of the death of the Negus, the king of Ethiopia, on the day that he died, and said, 'PRAY FOR FORGIVENESS for your brother."

(al-Bukhaari, Muslim)

🍃 Uthmaan ibn 'Affaan radhi Allaahu anhu said:

"When the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam finished burying someone who had died, he would stand over him and say, 'Pray for forgiveness for your brother, and ask that he may be made steadfast, for even now he is being questioned.'"

(Abu Dawood, saheeh)

🍃 The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said:

"A man's status will be raised in Paradise and he will ask, 'How did I get here?'

He will be told, 'By your son's (or daughter) du'aa's for forgiveness for you."

(Ibn Maajah 3660; saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jami 1617)

🍃 Ibn al-Qayyim said:

"The fact that the dead benefit from du'aa's is indicated by the consensus of the ummah on offering du'aa' for him during the janaazah prayer, hence we know that du'aa' benefits the deceased... This is supported by many ahaadeeth and is in fact is the whole point of praying for the deceased.

The same applies to making du'aa' for him after the burial and making du'aa' for them when visiting their graves."

(al-Rooh)

🔺2) Making up fasts that were obligatory upon the deceased:

🍃The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said:

"Whoever dies and had any fasts outstanding, his heir should observe those fasts on his behalf."

(al-Bukhaari 1952, Muslim 1147)

🍃Once woman came to the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam and said,

'My mother has died and she one month's fasting outstanding.'

He said, 'Do you not think that if she was in debt, you would pay it off for her?'

She said, 'Yes.'

He said, 'The debt owed to Allaah is more deserving of being paid off.'" (al-Bukhaari, Muslim)

Remember these are the fasts that were FARDH on the deceased.

One can NOT fast nafl fasts on behalf of the deceased.

🔺3) Paying off debts

Debt is a very serious matter in Islaam and a person's entry into Jannah is DELAYED because of any debt he may have, even if he may be righteous.

That's why one of the best favors you can do for your deceased loved one is to pay off their debts as soon as possible.

🍃The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said:

"By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if a man were killed in battle for the sake of Allaah, then brought back to life, then killed and brought back to life again, then killed, and he owed a debt, he would not enter Paradise until his debt was paid off."

(al-Nasaa'i- hasan).

🍃Salamah ibn al-Akwa' radhi Allaahu anhu said:

"We were sitting with the Prophet

Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam when a funeral bier was brought to him and they said, 'Pray over him.'

He said, 'Does he have any debts?' They said, 'No.'

He said, 'Has he left anything behind?'

They said, 'No.'

So he prayed over him.

Then another funeral bier was brought to him, and they said, 'O Messenger of Allaah, pray for him.'

He said, 'Does he have any debts?'

They said, 'Yes.'

He said, 'Has he left anything behind?'

They said, 'Three dinars.'

So he prayed over him.

Then a third funeral bier was brought, and they said, 'Pray for him.'

He said, 'Has he left anything behind?'

They said, 'No.' He said, 'Does he have any debts?'

They said, 'Three dinars.'

He said, 'Pray for your companion.' Abu Qutaadah said, 'Pray for him, O Messenger of Allaah, and I will take care of his debt.'

So he prayed over him."

(al-Bukhaari)

🔺4) Fulfilling vows to do acts of worship

Although making vows is something that's not encouraged in our deen, if one has made a vow, he has to fulfill it as soon as possible.

🍃 A woman from Juhaynah came to the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam and said:

"My mother vowed to go for Hajj, but she did not go for Hajj before she died.

Should I do Hajj on her behalf?"

He said, "Yes, do Hajj on her behalf. Do you not think that if your mother was in debt you would pay it off for her?

Pay off the debt that is owed to Allaah, for Allaah is more deserving that what is owed to Him should be paid off."

(al-Bukhaari)

🔺5) Performing Hajj and umrah on his behalf:

🍃A woman asked the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam about her mother who had passed away.

'She never went to Hajj - can I perform Hajj on her behalf?'

He said, 'Perform Hajj on her behalf.'"

(Muslim 1149)

But make sure that the one doing hajj on behalf of the deceased should do his own hajj first. And then they can do hajj on their loved one's behalf.

🍃 Once the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam heard a man saying "Labbayka 'an Shubrumah (At your service, O Allaah, on behalf of Shubrumah)."

The Messenger of Allaah Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said, "Who is Shubrumah?"

He said, "A relative of mine."

The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said,

"Have you ever done Hajj before?" He said, "No."

He said, "Do this Hajj for yourself, then do Hajj on behalf of Shubrumah."

(Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah-- saheeh by al-Albaani)

🔺6) Righteous deeds done by the children of the deceased:

Any good deed that you do as part of your Deen, your parents will also get the rewards for it.

That's because it was your parents that brought you up in Islaam. They're the ones who taught you your deen, and your good manners. They taught you to be kind, generous and patient.

So you're like a 'sadaqah jaariyyah' for your parents.

🍃 The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said:

"Whoever sets a good precedent in Islam which is followed after he is gone, will have a reward like those who acted upon it, without it detracting from their reward in the slightest."

(Muslim)

🍃Shaykh al-Albaani said:

"Whatever righteous deeds the righteous son (or daughter) does, his parents will have a reward like his, without it detracting from his reward in the slightest, because their child is part of their striving and earning."

🍃 The Messenger Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said:

'The best that a man can benefit from is that which he earns, and his son is also part of his earnings.'

(Abu Dawood, al-Nasaa'i, hasan by al-Tirmidhi)

🔺7) Sadaqah given on his behalf:

🍃 A man said to the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam:

"My mother has passed away, and if she could have spoken, she would have given something in charity. Will she receive a reward if I give something on her behalf?" He said, "Yes."

(al-Bukhaari 1388)

🍃 Sa'd Ibn Ubadah radhi Allaahu anhu said:

"O Messenger of Allaah, my mother has died when I was absent. Will it benefit her if I give in charity on her behalf?"

He said: "Yes."

He said: "I ask you to bear witness that my garden that bears fruit is given in charity on her behalf."

(al-Bukhaari 2756)

🍃 Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen said:

"It is permissible for a person to give money in charity and intend for it to be on behalf of his father, his mother or his brother or anyone else he wants among the Muslims, because the reward is great.

If charity is given sincerely for the sake of Allaah and from wealth that is acquired in a halaal manner, then the reward will be multiplied greatly."

It is recommended to give this sadaqah in something that will earn them sadaqah jaariyyah, a continuous charity, that will continue to earn them rewards with Allaah long after they're gone, such as digging wells to provide water, printing the Mushaf or other authentic Islamic material, planting trees, etc.

🔺8) A 'SHARE' of the sacrifice that you make for Allaah:

Another thing that may benefit the person who's passed away is if you assign a share, on his behalf, of a sacrifice that you offer to Allaah.

That's because when the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam offered a sacrifice, he said:

"In the name of Allaah, O Allaah, on behalf of Muhammad and the family of Muhammad"

(Muslim)

Obviously, 'the family of Muhammad' Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam included both the living and the dead.

🔺9) Visiting and keeping up relations with those people whom the deceased loved:

The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam kept up with all of Khadeejah radhi Allaahu anhaa's family and friends.

🍃 The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said:

"The best of righteous deeds is for a man to keep in touch with his father's friends after he dies."

(Muslim)

📌WHAT NOT TO DO 📌

❌1. No Qur'aan:

When people who were near and dear to the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam died such as his uncle Hamzah radhi Allaahu anhu or his beloved wife Khadeejah or any of his daughters, it is not narrated that he Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam read Qur'aan for any of them on their behalf, although he loved them dearly and would have done anything to benefit them.

And no such thing has been narrated from any of the Sahaabah either. If it was something that was sanctioned in our deen, then they would surely have done it before us. Yet there's no such proof.

🍃 Shaikh Ibn Baaz said:

"There is no evidence in sharee'ah to indicate that one can give (the reward for) prayers and reading Qur'aan to another person, whether he is alive or dead.

Acts of worship are an area in which there is no room for ijtihaad, and we should not do anything except that for which there is shar'i evidence."(Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz)

Also think about this;

🍃 When the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam was talking about what will benefit a deceased person, he Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said:

"A son who will 'PRAY' for him,"

He Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam

did NOT say "who will READ Qur'aan for him."

So no reading surah Yaseen or any other surah or Qur'aan for the deceased.

There's no evidence of that in the sharee'ah.

If it was good the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam or the Sahaabah would have done that when their loved ones died. But none of them ever did that. Had it been good, surely we would have had evidence of that. But we don't.

❌ 2. No nafl prayers or any kind of dhikr etc. to be 'donated' to them.

Just as there is no evidence of reading Qur'an for the deceased, similarly there's no evidence for praying nafl of someone's behalf or doing some dhikr and "donating" (NO "BAKHSHNA") the reward of that to them.

🍃 Ibn Taymiyah said:

"It was not the custom of the pious predecessors, when they observed voluntary prayers or fasts, or did a voluntary Hajj, or read Qur'aan, to give the reward for that to the deceased Muslims. So we should not deviate from their path, for it is better and more perfect."

❌3. No TAWAAF by itself.

Similarly, there's no evidence of doing tawaaf by itself on behalf of the dead or living either.

You see, Tawaaf is a kind of salah and one cannot pray salah on someone else's behalf.

Similarly, you cannot do just tawaaf by itself on someone else's behalf either.

However, if they were doing an entire Hajj or Umrah on their behalf, then and only then, is it valid as part of that Umrah or Hajj. But to do tawaaf by itself, is not valid.

🍃 Shaykh ibn Baaz said:

"Tawaaf around the Ka'bah cannot be done by proxy, so no one can do tawaaf on behalf of someone else, unless he is doing Hajj or 'Umrah on his behalf, in which case he may do it on his behalf along with the rest of Hajj or 'Umrah."

❌ 4. No 'soyum' (three days after death), 10th day or 40th day celebration:

There is no evidence of the Prophet

Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam or the Sahaabah picking the third, tenth, fourtieth or any other specific day to mourn the death of their loved ones.

If they didn't do it, why should we do something that's not part of the deen?

If someone does that, they are guilty of ADDING to the religion, which is a HUGE SIN.

It is so huge that such people will be BARRED from drinking at al-Kawthar on the Day of Judgment and the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam will be ANGRY at them and would not want to associate with them.

🍃 Sahl radhi Allaahu anhu said:

"I heard the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam say:

"I will reach the Cistern (al-Kawthar) ahead of you.

Whoever comes to it will drink and whoever drinks from it will never thirst again.

Some people will come to me whom I will recognize and they will recognize me, but then a barrier will be placed between me and them."

The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam will say:

'They are from me."

And it will be said; "You do not know what they did after you were gone."

And I will say, "Away with those who changed after I was gone!"

(Bukhaari, Muslim)

So remember to follow the Sunnah and stay away from all innovations. As the great Sahaabi 'Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood said:

"Practicing a little of the Sunnah is better than practicing many innovations"

And Allaah knows best